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DBZ LSD: Episode 3
This parody is not intended for small children. May cause projectile vomitting, internal bleeding, etc.
Narrator: Last time on Dragonball LSD the games began. Or some such shit. No one really gives a damn, but we don't have enough explosions to fill a whole half hour, so I just need to ramble on while random footage pays. Oh, yeah, and I hate you all. Assholes. Next time just watch the episodes in order, you fucking moron.
Announcer: Let the qualifying round begin. Please line up and punch the box.
(Everyone lines up. Mr. Satan is first. He punches the box. Some number comes up. Then seventeen punches the box and a much higher number comes up, which is hilarious, as any neo-nazi fanboy who thinks he's a super saiyan will tell you, while recording the box punching numbers to go next to his pOwoR lEvuLs on his L33T site and laughing until his head explodes. Serves the bastard right. Meanwhile, everyone else punches the box, except Krillin.)
(Krillin steps up to the box. He swings and misses. Then the box lunges forward and kills him.)
17: Great. Now I don't have anything to buff the floor with.
Meanwhile, the now jobless Vegeta applies for Welfare.
Welfare officer: Do you have any children or dependants?
Vegeta: The little fag isn't mine. His mother's a lying @@#$$.
Welfare: I see... Any previous employment?
Vegeta: I killed a guy with my bare hands once.
Welfare: Interested in tech support?
Vegeta: Does it involve killing innocent bystanders?
Welfare: No.
Vegeta: What about maiming? Do I get to maim anyone?
Welfare: In a way, I suppose.
Vegeta: Sign me up.
Welfare: Excellent. Now please get out of my office. You seem to be disturbing the drunken man.
(Motions to a figure huddled up in the corner with a bottle of cheap whiskey in a paper bag. It's Yamcha.)
Yamcha: I killee you! KILLEE! KILLEE!
Vegeta: Ah. Just like old times. (He prepares to kill Yamcha, but before he does the Ghost of Nappa arrives.)
Nappa: No, Vegeta. You must pursue your career. You don't want to wind up in hell with me, do you?
Vegeta: If you're in hell, why do you have a halo?
Nappa: Shutup, you spoiled brat.
Vegeta: I thought ghosts were to provide useful advice.
Nappa: Mr. Popo has the best shit in town.
Vegeta: Thanks. And, old, buddy, just for old times sake I've got a present for you.
Nappa: Really?
Vegeta: Yeah. (Kills Ghost of Nappa.) God, I never used to be this sentimental.
(Cut to the tournament.)
Announcer: Now the first fight will begin. Spopovitch on the left, Videl on the right.
(The fight commences. Spopovitch, a big, hulking figure with no pupils and an "M" on his forehead, quickly kicks Videl from one side of the ring to the other.)
Goku: Hmm... Something seems a little off with Spopovitch. I can't place it, though.
(Videl is smacked back to the other side of the ring.)
Krillin: Neither can I.
(Videl is kicked thirty feet up in the air.)
Piccolo: Don't tell me you got wished back again.
(Videl hits the ground with a sickening thud.)
Krillin: Well yes, actually.
(Spopovitch picks up Videl and hurls her at a passing 747.)
Piccolo: (sighs) When will these people learn?
(Videl collides with the airplane, sheering off a wing. At the same time, Tien appears.)
Tien: It's okay. They can still land safely.
(An engine explodes, while Videl continues to go upward.)
Tien: I see all two hundred parachutes!
(The burning hulk crashes into a nuclear reactor. The entire city is vaporized, with the exception of the stadium.)
Tien: Don't worry. They evacuated in time. (Tien dissapears.)
(Videl starts falling back to earth.)
Goku: Maybe we ought to do something.
(Videl continues down, but still hasn't hit the ground.)
Piccolo: Nah.
(Videl still hasn't hit the ground.)
Krillin: Say, isn't that Gohan's woman?
17: His cover, more likely.
(Gohan goes super saiyan and rushes to Videl's rescue.)
(Cut to the corner of Kaioshin.)
Kaioshin: I think I'll freeze this dumb blonde in place, thus enabling Spopovitch and Yam to steal his energy, bring it to Babidi and awaken Majin Buu. God, I'm a Genius!
(Freezes Gohan.)
(The majin attack Gohan and jab a dustbuster-looking thing that sucks up all his energy.)
Narrator: Is this the end? Stay tuned for the next exciting episode, whic will consist of nothing but Vegeta working as a techie and Bulma bitching about random topics no one cares about. So be sure to catch episode five: "Menstrual Cramps really, really, suck."
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