|
|
|
DBZ LSD: Episode 2
This parody is not intended for small children. May cause projectile vomitting, internal bleeding, etc.
Narrator: Last time on DBZ LSD, a lot of boring crap that I don't feel like recounting happened. So, um, yeah. Admit it. You just followed the link anyway.
Piccolo: Why don't we try and flush Krillin down a toilet or something?
Vegeta: Good idea.
(Before they have a chance to do this, two strangely dressed figures enter.)
Figure: We may need your aid soon. (Leaves.)
Gohan: I wonder who that was.
Piccolo: It ... can't ... be.
Krillin: What?
Piccolo: It's Kaioshin!
Goku: Who?
Piccolo: God!
Gohan: I thought that was Kami.
Piccolo: Well, Kaioshin is more like the god of gods.
Gohan: Then where does Kaio fit in?
Piccolo: He's in between.
Gohan: Sort of like a god and half?
Piccolo: Yeah.
Goten: Wait... So the god of gods is a skinny purple guy with a mohawk who dresses like an old woman?
Piccolo: Show some respect!
Trunks: Is he stronger than a super saiyan?
Piccolo: Well, um... no.
Goku: Why is he God?
Piccolo: Because he says so.
Goku: Okay. But enough of that. Could you fill me in on what happened? Being dead kind of got in the way.
Vegeta: Not a whole lot. Gohan grew up to be a loser, Krillin banged a robot --
Krillin: She's an android! She's got some human parts!
Goku: Which ones?
Vegeta: You Japanese are fucking horrible. HORRIBLE.
Kamesennin: Tentacles?
Vegeta: (Goes super saiyan.) ARGH!
Goku: Moving on, how's Tien.
Gohan: Last I heard he and Chauozu were running a gay porn ring in Nepal.
Goku: And Yamcha?
Piccolo: He's still bitter about how Bulmu ditched him for the one responsible for his death.
Vegeta: Touchy bastard.
Goku: Always was. That it?
Gohan: Oh yeah! And mom had another kid!
Goku: You mean I'm a father again?
Krillin: Nobody said th -- (Vegeta smacks Krillin before he can finish.)
Vegeta: Yes, Kakarot. You are.
(The announcer begins to speak over the PA system.)
Announcer: Will all the contestants for the children's division please step forward?
Gohan: Well, this is it Goten.
Goku: Good luck, son. (Everyone snickers.)
Vegeta: (To Trunks) Remember, it doesn't matter whether you win or lose. Unless you want to avoid being savagely beaten afterwards.
(Trunks and Goten walk over to where the registration is.)
(Insert twenty episodes of filler crap.)
Announcer: And now we move onto the children's division finals between Trunks and Goten. BEGIN!
(Trunks and Goten fight. Everyone else watches. Things are pretty even for a while, but Trunks eventually manages to get Goten in a death grip. Goten goes Super Saiyan and breaks free.)
Goku: What the? How'd he do that? I thought it was supposed to be a once in a thousand years kind of thing!
Piccolo: I know. Supposedly it has to do with saiyan-human hybrids being stronger.
Goku: But then what about Gohan?
Vegeta: Gohan wears a skirt.
Goku: Still, I had to watch Krillin die before I became a Super Saiyan.
Piccolo: Oh, c'mon. It's not like that's something unusual. He dies every other Wednesday. Besides, it was actually pretty funny that time. He was like (imitating Krillin) ARRH! Help me! BOOM!
Krillin: Hey!
Gohan: No, it was more like "AAAACK!!! Heelllpp meeeee!!!!!."
Krillin: That's it! I don't get the respect I deserve around here. I make super man look like a friggin' pansy and I get is this --
(In the middle of Krillin's speech an air conditioner falls from an upstairs window and hits Krillin squarely on the head. He keels over.)
Gohan: Oh my God! Is he dead?
Piccolo: No, looks like he's still breathing.
(At that moment a stray energy blast hits the area. All dodge it, save the unconscious Krillin.)
Piccolo: Never mind.
17: Damn. Looks like I'll have to ship another corpse over to the Krillin wing of Generic Town Cemetery.
Vegeta: I should probably ground Trunks or something.
Piccolo: Don't worry about it. Killing Krillin is like snorting fine cocaine -- everyone does it at some time or another.
Gohan: What?
Piccolo: Can it. Let's see how you'd turn out if you lived with only Mr. Popo for company.
Announcer: And that's it! Trunks has won the match.
Goku: Whoops. I guess we should have watched.
Piccolo: Some of us are capable of doing more than one thing at once.
Announcer: Now we begin the real tournament. Instead of having qualifying rounds, we're just going to have everyone punch a big box looking thing with a button on it because my dirty Lithuanian brother-in-law embezzled all of the set aside money.
Piccolo: What is this crap?
Vegeta: No fucking box for me. (Destroys world.)
Goku: Wasn't that a bit excessive?
Vegeta: Cry me a river.
(Suddenly, everything reappears, just as before.)
Vegeta: What? (Destroys everything again.)
(Everything reappears.)
Vegeta: I fucking hate this show. I quit.(Storms off.)
(Enter Bulma.)
Bulma: Good thing I had all the dragonballs. I don't know what I'd've done if they didn't have three wishes now.
Piccolo: How'd you happen to have the dragonballs? And what'd you wish for?
Bulma: I was going to ask the dragon to make Yamcha stop trying to burn down my house, but instead I wished that the world be restored after both explosions.
Piccolo: What was the third wish?
Krillin: What's up, Bro?
Piccolo: Are you fucking kidding me?
Bulma: Well, I thought that...
Piccolo: (grits teeth.)
Announcer: Time to punch the box everyone.
Narrator: Next time on Dragonball LSD: Vegeta applies for welfare. And ... god lord! It's a box! Is this the end? Stay tuned for the next exciting episode of Dragonball LSD!
|
|
All images, text, and html are property of the Crater unless otherwise noted. The Crater is a fan site and no profit is realized from it. It has no affiliation whatsoever with FUNimation, or that big Japanese studio whose name I can't remember. Yeah, that'll hold up in court.
|
|
