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DBZ LSD: Episode 1
This parody is not intended for small children. May cause projectile vomitting, internal bleeding, etc.
Narrator: As the 28th bigassjapaneseword martial arts competition approaches, the Z warriors train.
(Vegeta and Trunks in the gravity chamber.)
Vegeta: HA! A million billion times earth's gravity!
Trunks: Why do we have to go through all this trouble?
Vegeta: Shutup and keep training. You aren't growing up to be a queer in THIS timeline.
(Cut to Gohan and his brother Goten, who are also training.)
Gohan: Hey, why don't you throw rocks at me until I reach the next level?
Goten: Umm...
Gohan: Fine. Be that way. I'll just dress up like a power puff girl and fight crime instead.
(He flies off. Soon he reaches Piccolo.)
Gohan: Do you want to fight crime with me?
Piccolo: No, I'm too busy learning how to grit my teeth while hovering over a waterfall.
Gohan: Okay. I can dress up like Buttercup without your help. (Flies off.)
Piccolo: Why the hell did I ever stop being a villain? Why, dammit? WHY?
(One week passes and the Z warriors assemble. The bigassjapaneseword is about to begin.)
Krillin: Well, we'd better start randomly talking about past events so that everyone knows what's going on, eh?
Vegeta: Shutup, Krillin.
Krillin: I mean, remember when Piccolo was PURE EVIL? Ain't it a hoot, bro?
Piccolo: Shutup, Krillin.
Krillin: Really now! That I think is --
Kamesennin: You do realize you're only allowed to speak when providing the porn, right?
Krillin: Umm...
Kamesennin: Do you have any porn?
Krillin: Well, umm... No.
Kamesennin: Then no talking.
(Pause.)
Krillin: It's a pity Goku was killed during the last series of episodes while fighting Cell, the evil android creating by splicing the DNA of all the greatest warriors. And then that zany Mr. Satan took credit and...
Piccolo: (Grits teeth.)
(Krillin falls silent.)
(Suddenly, Goku appears. Over his head is a halo.)
Goku: Hey, look everyone! I'm back from the dead!
Vegeta: Does this mean I get another chance to kill you?
Krillin: Is that thing a frisbee?
Goku: Isn't anyone going to ask me how I got back?
Piccolo: No.
(Krillin grabs halo, wings it to Gohan.)
Goku: Well, you see --
(Gohan throws halo to Piccolo. Piccolo isn't paying attention and it cuts his arm off.)
Piccolo: DAMMIT!
Goku: -- me and God are like this, so --
(Piccolo grows another arm.)
Goku: -- he said I could come back for a day --
(Piccolo throws halo with great force at Krillin.)
Goku: -- and smite some unbelievers.
Vegeta: Say... Isn't this whole halo thing getting a little sacriligious?
(Krillin ducks. A shriek is heard behind him.)
Piccolo: Ah, the horrified shriek of innocent bystanders. Sure brings back memories.
Vegeta: Sure does.
Piccolo: If only --
Voice inside of Piccolo: No, Piccolo! Such thoughts are evil!
Piccolo: Shutup, Kami.
Kami: I will not be silenced.
Piccolo: I said SHUTUP. (Smacks himself violently in the head.)
Third Voice: OW! Watch your aim, will ya?
Kami: Nobody asked for your opinion, Nail.
Piccolo: ARGH! (Smacks himself again.)
(The voices cease.)
Piccolo: Sorry about that. What were we talking about?
Vegeta: Maiming innocent bystanders, I think.
Piccolo: Those were the days.
Vegeta: Good times, good times.
(Both nostalgically recall their days as villians. Piccolo thinks of beating the crap out of Krillin, Vegeta thinks of that time he dismembered all those bug people. Simultaneously, both recall there respective fights with Freeza.)
Vegeta and Piccolo: DAMMIT!
Vegeta: An effeminate lizard. ARRGH!!!! (Goes Super Saiyan.)
(Pause.)
Piccolo: Why don't we try and flush Krillin down a toilet or something?
Vegeta: Good idea.
(Before they have a chance to do this, two strangely dressed figures enter.)
Figure: We may need your aid soon. (Leaves.)
Gohan: I wonder who that was.
Narrator: Well, this episode has gotten plenty long, so we might as well start a new one. Like I give a damn one way or the other. So, stay tuned. For the next episode of um... It's on the tip of my tongue... Ah, screw it.
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