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Chrono Trigger Walkthrough
A bitter, unhelpful guide to the classic SNES RPG
It wouldn't be right if I didn't point you in the direction of Some Random Guy's Final Fantasy feature. It's a bit like this, only about ten times better. I'm glad I only read recently, as had I read it before I had gotten into my own little project the temptation to rip him off would be too great. Suffice to say, somerandomguy.com is one of the most genuinely funny places on the net and is well worth a look.
The first place you'll want to go is to the bar. Some knights will make fun of you in the usual vicious RPG way, uttering such epithets as "you are an ignorant stranger." Eventually, the renowned explorer Toma Levine walks in. (He's an Italian Jew, I guess. The poor Japanese. They try so hard with Western names.) It's not really clear why he's renowned, since all he really manages to over the course of the game is get drunk off of apple cider, get killed by dinosaurs, and run up tremendous debts while doing the afore-mentioned items. Toma will tell you that the Queen is missing. This would all be fine and dandy, had everyone else in the bar told you that the Queen had been found everytime you came within three feet of them. (Except for that knight. I'll get him for that one of these days. )
There are of other places to visit, but there isn't anything useful. At Zenan bridge you will discover that Zenan bridge fell down, and at the bellmaker's house you will find that the bell maker sells hashish. But it's it crap. CRAP. And he's making a bell, too. But that's not important. Unless you're still trying to figure out what the hell is going on. So there are only two places left to visit: the Castle and the Cathedral. I'd recommend the Castle first, since the Cathedral is probably the seat of the Holy Inquisition, and this late in the day they're probably struggling to reach their quotas.
So the Castle it is. Unfortunately, the King doesn't see fit to build a road to the castle. Instead, all traffic too and from the Castle must pass through winding, monster-infested woods. I bet this is why the Kingdom of Guardia is getting the roaring horse piss beaten out of it. I can just see the situation on the front line.
General: We're about to be overun! Appeal to the King for reinforcements!
Messenger: Very well sir. I will get a party together and rush to Guardia Castle on the double!
 Then the poor bastards runs into the woods. Pretty soon they can't figure out where the hell they are, and beat up the lazy schmuck who was supposed to bring the map. While fighting amonst themselves they're ambushed by a horde of flesh eating mushrooms.
This also explains how Zenan bridge fell down. It goes like this:
Engineer: The bridge is starting to look unstable. We'd better order some supplies.
Engineer2: But then we'd need to request money from the King.
Engineer: And that means... Damn... You're right.
Engineer2: Bridge looks great to me.
Engineer: Yep. I'm going to mark it down as being in prime condition.
(The bridge falls down.)
Engineer: I won't say anything if you won't say anything.
Engineer2: Looks perfectly fine to me.
Meanwhile, King Guardia sits around in his throne room wondering why no one visits him anymore. But before you make fun of the Kingdom because of this, remember that there's a perfectly plausible explanation. The forest was originally the front lawn of Guardia Castle. One day while revving up his lawn mower King Guardia the first took a look at the acres of grass that lay before him and said "Fuck this shit." In the centuries that followed, it became a haunted forest full of giant beetles.
But back to the walkthrough. I hope no one is really exclusively on this, because in the time it took to read all that they probably died.
Those damn mushrooms.
What you need to do is fight your way through the forest. Oh yeah, and in this bush there's a monster who drops a shelter. (There, now I've met my useful information quota for the year.) Once you've gotten through, enter the castle. Some soldiers will utter more demeaning insults, but this time the Queen comes and stops them. Then she invites you in the usual mentally challenged/blond way. She giggles. So head on in. First talk with the King. You know, the one with biggest hat? Yeah, that's him. There you go. He'll mention something about resting in the Knight's quarters. Go ahead, as the beds in Chrono Trigger are all magic -- they heal all of your wounds and restore you to full health. Also, no time elapses when you sleep. If you take a nap, the same guy will be in the bed next to you when you wake up. Hell, take twenty. He'll still be there.
This leads me to believe that he might be dead and King Guardia sent you to the morgue instead. Cheap sonouvabitch. Once you've rested, go back to the King, who will tell you to go rest again. Sleep is good for you, dammit. Or you can talk with the Chancellor, who will say "Hmm" in a menacing way and wander off. Follow him up the steps. He might look like a bent over old guy, but he'll be at the top before you even reach the first floor. Once you catch up, he'll jump twenty feet in the air and tell you to go away. I DO BELIEVE SOMETHING FISHY IS GOING ON. Upon chatting with a maid, you will find that the Chancellor is a good man, as he goes to the Cathedral EVERY DAY.
Head back down. Head over to the other side of the castle. A guard will inform you that the Queen wishes to speak with you. Head on up. All the way up. Keep going. Once you reach the top of the stairs, head on into her room. She'll say hello, usher her attendants out, and then ask you to come closer. She then reveals herself to be Marle.
"Fooled you, didn't I?" she asks. No Marle, you didn't. But we can always pretend.
Some warm and fuzzy dialogue ensues. "Even though we've barely met, I knew you'd come for me," said Marle.
"Why the (&%* did you step on that (*&#$ telepod you (**&^*& skank?" said Crono. Actually he just sort of nods. But that's what I would have said.
 Sadly, this reverie is broken as Marle dematerializes again. Damn you, Marle.
This might be a good time to leave. Do so. When you reach the bottom of the stairs you run into none other than Lucca, which confirms one more thing. The security at Guardia Castle really, really, sucks. Lucca explains that Marle is really Princess Nadia from the present day. She has apparently been mistaken for Queen Leene by the search party, who found her and then called the search off. (The King was apparently unable to distinguish between his wife and a random teenager as well. Probably spends too much time drinking and not mowing the lawn. But then in 16 bits it is so hard to tell.) This left the real Queen Leene a prisoner of the evil munchkins. Marle dissappeared because if something happens to her ancestor, she will cease to exist.
This really makes you think about Marle's intelligence. Wouldn't she have realized that her ancestor dying would be bad for her? Or maybe she just forgot she was Princess Nadia. After all, it's hard to remember two names at once. Especially if you're blond.
Anyway, this latest turn events means that you need to visit the Cathedral, since it's the only place left. (Plus all of those SUBTLE HINTS.) Do so. Upon entering you'll discover something. This isn't a Cathedral. It's not even a church. It's barely even a friggin' chapel. Oh yeah, and you'll also discover that the nuns are really monsters.
How? You'll see a shining dot on the altar. Upon picking it up you'll notice Guardia's royal crest. The nuns, in order that you not get suspicious after discovering a pin with Guardia's royal crest in Guardia's royal cathedral, turn into monsters and start attacking you. And now I've got a standard piece of walkthrough advice for you.
Don't lose.
 Once you've beaten them, Lucca relaxes on the altar and says "Boy that sure was close." If you ever happen to be in a horror movie, never say that. Fortunately, this is just an RPG, so when the monster attacks it gets cut down by a frog. And guess what? He wants to join your party too! And you know what else? You don't have a choice in the matter! (Unless you count hitting "no" repeatedly until you keel over from exhaustion as an option.) The frog isn't sure what is name is, so you get to type it in for him.
It's "Frog."
Now all you need to do is find the secret monster lair, kick some secret monster ass, and get out. To do this, play the organ. This is done by walking up to it and hitting "D." (Actually, that's just the button on my emulator that I've chosen to be the action button. Just hit buttons until it starts playing.) Then the secret door opens.
Yeah monsters. Great security system.
After that, all you need to do is kill whatever monsters you come across, open chests, and get the items inside. After a while you'll come to another room with another organ. (Never mind that if you've gotten this far, you already know how to operate it. These monsters are almost as smart as the people.) Unfortunately, there are spikes in the way. Now, you could just walk around them. But square decided it would be better if you had to walk around and punch little switches shaped like red eyed skulls to lower the spikes. So do that.
After that, play the organ. That opens another door down below. Go inside. You'll see the princess and the Chancellor. (At least you should. I'm going from memory here.) The Chancellor than asks the princess to leave, and then turns into a huge monster. Kill it. Save the princess. And open the chest to free the real chancellor.
Way to go. You're an all-star. Now you can head on back to the present day using Lucca's gate key thing and all is well.
Actually you'll get arrested and tried for a crime you didn't commit. And, if you did everything as I told you to, you'll be sentenced to death. It turns out not helping small children find their lost cats is a capital offense.
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